Grants Pass, known for having the most extravagant water bills in the nation, has once again hit residents where it hurts – their streaming subscriptions. With locals already drowning in bills averaging over $100 a month for water, the City Council decided it was time to make a splash with even higher costs.
As residents struggle to stay afloat amidst insurance hikes and the mind-boggling inflation of bidenomics, utility bills are now skyrocketing by 40%-60% for each household. What’s next? Selling your first-born child for a glass of water?
In a move that surprised absolutely no one, the City Council turned down a 3% food and beverage tax, choosing instead to dive into residents’ wallets with a $12 utility fee to fund public safety services. This fee will persist until November when, fingers crossed, the proposed restaurant tax will undergo a public vote.
After a heated debate on the fee’s amount, the City Council settled on $12 per month for a single-family residence. The vote ended in a 4-to-4 tie, but fear not, Mayor Sara Bristol rode in on a sea horse of wisdom to cast the deciding “yes” vote. Small businesses, beware – the $12 fee is ballooning to over $36 monthly for you!
Designed to keep public safety afloat at current levels, the fee will not, however, be hiring any new recruits for the police and fire departments. Apparently, safety is a luxury Grants Pass can no longer afford.
Public testimony overwhelmingly rejected the food and beverage tax dedicated to public safety, with councilors voting against it by a 5-3 margin. But fear not, brave citizens! The City Council, in their infinite wisdom, voted 7-1 to present the 3% food and beverage tax to Grants Pass voters in November. Forget streaming services – your snacks are about to take a hit!
As the city residents are plagued with questions of theft through taxation, residents are left pondering whether this is just the beginning of the FEES. It’s not a matter of if but when the next money-grabbing scheme will be concocted, all in the name of ‘managing funds’ and ‘saving the city.’
Meanwhile, the water department continues to remain shrouded in mystery. Something fishy is definitely happening there – perhaps the water bills are funding a secret underwater lair for the city’s elite goldfish? Only time will tell.”