In a continuation of the silly turn of events in Grants Pass, the Board of County Commissioners is considering bringing back the illustrious Simon Hare, a figure whose previous tenure was a masterclass in power corruption, lies, and drama. This time, however, they’re not content with just letting him return to the commissioner’s seat; instead, they’re eyeing him for the prestigious position of Broadband Project Manager. Because nothing says expertise in internet infrastructure like a history of questionable decisions and personal controversies.
Hare’s previous stint as commissioner, from 2010 to 2018, was nothing short of a soap opera. His departure was marked by a DUI arrest after a wild night at a strip club – because what better way to unwind after a tough day of public service? But wait, there’s more! Inappropriate text messages to minors, a legal battle over squatting in someone else’s home without paying rent, and the cherry on top – a class act over his colorful garbage disposal methods.
Now, as if the citizens of Grants Pass needed a refresher on Hare’s indiscretions, the Board is recommending him for the role of Broadband Project Manager. Clearly, they believe his expertise in handling personal controversies will translate seamlessly to managing a crucial infrastructure project. Because when you think of high-speed internet, you naturally think of someone who can’t navigate a strip club parking lot without running afoul of the law.
Add a new layer of excitement to the unfolding drama. Accusations of lying on court documents, attempted defamation, and the creative act of using private land as their personal landfill have only served to further endear Hare to the community.
If Hare couldn’t control his hen house, personal life and his trash disposal habits, how on earth is he expected to handle the complexities of a broadband project with zero qualification for the job? Perhaps Grants Pass is on the verge of pioneering a new management philosophy – one where chaos reigns supreme, and qualifications are just a pesky detail.
Stay tuned for the riveting sequel: “Broadband Blues: A Tale of Buffering and Betrayal.”